How to Tell Your Mom You Want to Plan Your Own Wedding

Given that your mother has had many ideas about your big day more than you have, it is likely she will be very fast to take charge and start the wedding planning process. Even though you may be considering telling her to step back, it is essential to be aware that your marriage ceremony is not only special for you and your spouse, but to your mother as well. When she is paying for the wedding, you will have to cooperate more than if you were footing the wedding bills by yourself. Instead of getting defensive on who plans which part of the wedding ceremony, here are some key strategies you can make use of to help maintain the peace and avoid unnecessarily hurting your mother’s feelings.

Recognize She Is Being Genuine

It is best to attend to the issues as soon as you see the start signs of your mother wanting to run your wedding plan process. To ensure you mention it without causing a squabble, begin with acknowledging her well-meant intentions and talking about how she made plans for her wedding. But if her mum took charge of the wedding plans for her wedding, she will more likely think it’s her “right” to take charge of planning your wedding. In such a situation, you will need to gently but firmly explain to her that you want her to take a more supporting role rather than the planning the entire wedding. Explain gently to your mother about the research you have done and outline to her the good ideas regarding the style you would like for your wedding day. Then, go ahead and discuss the details with your mother.

Be tactfully honest

Be very careful with the words you use, but at the same time be honest. You do not want to say something to hurt your mother’s feelings or utter words that you will regret later. However, it is necessary that you establish the ground rule. The first rule is: you are in control of the plans.

Bring to her attention your different perspectives in aesthetics

In having a chat with your mother about your dissimilar choices in style, you will have to be in charge of the aesthetics of your big day. Your mother may like an all-white type of wedding while you would prefer something rather traditional. Instead of telling her you do not like her style choice; get her to see things your way by showing her wedding photos that have inspired you. Take time to patiently explain to her reasons as to why you want the particular style for your wedding day. One thing is certain; she will listen to you since you are including her in a collaborative and respectful manner.

Give room for her strengths to stand out

If your mother enjoys being the hostess, she will more likely know a lot about setting up a wedding day menu fit for your guests. Given that she would rather tend to a garden, she will enjoy getting involved in selecting the flowers. Select something that your mother is really good at and assign it to her to take care of that part of your wedding plans. In giving her roles that she is really good at and can manage, you will be giving her a chance to help in the planning process and at the same time, she will feel involved without her taking over the entire planning.

Practice patience

Treat the wedding planning process as a shared experience for both you and your mother. A wedding planning process is not an end-it-all type of thing, listen to the suggestions she may have before you dismissively say no.


Your mother has probably had ideas for your wedding day longer than you have. It is important to recognize that she has best of intentions for your big day. Right from the start, gently but firmly establish some ground rules; the first rule is you are in charge. When talking to your mother, be very careful of your word choice to avoid saying regrettable things and hurting her feelings. Assign to your mum roles that she is really good at and enjoys doing, this way she will feel involved, her strengths will stand out, and she won’t need to take over the entire wedding planning. Above all remember your big day is equally special to your mother as it is to you and your spouse, therefore, work at keeping the peace and enjoy your wedding day.